Dad…One of a Kind

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by: Suzie Peterson

May 10, 2024

Oh how I miss him so.

Dad’s Eulogy – I wrote and then read my Dad’s eulogy. Writing it, and re-reading it periodically continues to be therapeutic for me as I face all the stages of grief, which by the way, appear when I least expect them. As I was re-reading it to myself today, I decided I wanted to share what a wonderful person he was with the public.

February 27, 2024, St. Dennis Church, Hopewell Jct, NY. 12533

Dad…One of a kind! 

  • As I look around the church, I see a room full of people who have their own Vince stories – and if you are blessed enough to have your own Vince story, you’ll know what I mean when I say you always wanted to have him on your side. 
  • Dad was a devoted husband to mom, the love of his life. He loved our immediate and extended family, and his many dear friends. He went out of his way to work really hard for our family, and helped us with whatever he could whenever we asked. He adored his grandchildren – Christopher, Stefanie, Vincent and Raymond. And in later years, he loved to hear the stories about and watch the antics of his great-grandchildren, Maddie, Logan, Eli, Lily, Peyton, Otto, and Cole. Dad loved his son-in-laws, too – Bruce and his cooking, and Howard and his chickens and gardens.
  • His quick wit, humor, sarcastic tongue, and funny stories were unmatched. Dad was God fearing and respecting, honest, trustworthy, loyal, rational –  a man of high integrity. He had the unique ability to have a consistent overall demeanor of being calm and gentle, and at the same time having a big presence, wherever he was.
  • He had his ‘only him’ way of putting a comical spin to his different philosophies on life. About the medical field, he’d say, “I’m not going to another doctor. Every time you go, they always find something wrong that keeps you going back. So why start!?” 
  • If you did business with dad, even if it was him being the patient in a doctors office, he made you work. He appreciated people more when they could talk and share things about daily life. It was important for him to have person-to-person connections. When he first met one of his recent doctors, he wasn’t a fan. He came out of the office humorously commenting, “I feel like I just went through my first year at medical school. I don’t really like him. I’m not going back.”  During the second, persuaded visit, Dad started chatting with the doctor about mowing his lawn. Well, low-and-behold, the doctor also loved to mow his lawn. The conversation veered toward collecting and rebuilding old cars and trucks. The doctor also had a car he was rebuilding. Then all of a sudden they were sharing ideas of how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey.  After that, the doctor was okay in dad’s eyes. Dad was even caught admitting on his own, “I’m kinda enjoying my trips to see him.” That’s just one tiny, recent story about the life-long lessons we learned from him – this one was people usually just want a human, common connection, and then they can get down to business.  
  • Dad was always respected for being a problem solver in the most logical, pragmatic, and positive of ways. He liked things to be done efficiently – done right the first time.You could count on him for help or advice with most anything in life. Sometimes his help was solicited, and sometimes it wasn’t. If he saw something wrong or that he didn’t approve of, he’d often comment right away. But, then that was that, and the conversation would move forward  One of my favorites of dad’s many sayings was when he stated, in that logical tone, you know – you can picture it  – with his hands slightly raised in the air, with his head moving slightly while looking you straight in the eyes, questioning, “Why are you doing it that way? You might be better off to…” and he’d then go into a quick detail of how to work through most any situation, be it mechanical, anything to do with a home, a business, property, political issues; he was usually spot on.
  • We’ve heard many stories over the years, and actually to this day we are still hearing about Dad quietly helping others in need. He had a huge heart, especially if he knew you needed help or were in pain. He didn’t need recognition for those good deeds, he just quietly did them and moved on in his day. He respected hard workers, and honest, kind people.That’s the kind of person he was. 
  • From the age of 16, Dad belonged to the Beekman Fire Department; a lifetime member. He really enjoyed his time there serving the community, and the social life that came along with it. He held almost all of the officer positions,and lastly was a commissioner for a number of years.  He was one of the main members who was instrumental in getting the current fire house built years ago. You could hear his pride whenever he spoke about belonging to that wonderful organization.  
  • Dad was a model of working hard and playing hard. He and mom shared an awesome life together. They worked as a team, from when they were teenagers and for 67 years – 2 years dating and 65 married. They worked together with all that they did, always running thoughts and opinions by each other. They were each part of running successful businesses. Sometimes life was not at all easy for them, yet they persevered and were able to make do in a pinch. As years passed, they were very blessed to be able to reap the rewards from their hard work. 
  • In the late 50’s and early 60’s, Dad was Franklin D. Roosevelt Jr’s farm manager, on his Clove Creek Farm in Poughquag. A perk of the job was being able to live in a farm-hand house on the property.  So dad had a first hand, daily view of the life of the Roosevelts. He was full of funny and interesting stories about them and their many guest’s comings and goings. He even met Jacki O.  there.  
  • In 1965, Dad left his Clove Creek Farm manager job to start his own construction company. 
  • That’s when he and a couple of partners started Clove Excavators – with just a backhoe. He worked unbelievably hard for about 45 years, growing that business into a fine success often with  40 – 50 employees, and so many pieces of huge equipment – backhoes, loaders, excavators, graders, dump trucks – 10 and 18 wheelers, bulldozers, pavers, compactors, and so much more. I listed these because dad was able to buy, operate, repair or rebuild all of these different types of equipment. That’s amazing! 
  • Clove Excavators built roads, bridges, worked with developers, businesses, and municipalities. He made thousands of connections with people from all walks of life, all over the Hudson Valley, in Dutchess, Westchester, Putnam, Orange, and Ulster Counties. He had a bent for knowing exactly what to do at a construction site. On the rare occasion he didn’t have an answer, he was not too proud to seek the advice of a trusted resource. Wendy, Darrell, Christopher, Stefanie, and I each had the opportunity of working for him at Clove Excavators in different roles at different times over the years. I worked in his office during high school summers – and I got to see first hand all that he did, all that he knew, and all that he handled. He was smart and great at it; a perfect model of how someone can be super successful in a trade. 
  • When dad started Clove Excavators, we moved from the farm-hand house on the Roosevelt property to the beautiful 1804 colonial on Gardner Hollow Road. Dad’s home and property became his pride and joy.  After long hard days at work, he’d come home and work just as hard perfecting his garden and mowing his lawn. Over time, the garden phased out, but he upped his lawn-mowing game when he eventually purchased his John Deere Zero Turn. He had a specific  height and a specific direction he wanted every blade of grass to be, even if that meant lightly trimming the grass, every day to achieve perfection. Mowing the lawn was a great source of relaxation for him. 
  • Over the years Dad could also be found updating, improving or rebuilding parts of the house or his barns. He loved tinkering with most anything you can find in a garage. He especially loved rebuilding his collection of tractors and his antique autos -the model A was one of his first proudest rebuilds. We lost count of how many tractors and cars he bought, sold, and traded. He cherished his time with anything that had a steering wheel, tires and a motor!   
  • Dad loved our hobby farm – he proudly shared his knowledge with Wendy, Darrell and I while raising our  4-H steers. He was awesome at helping us not only because of his work on the Roosevelt farm, but also because he too had been a member of the Dutchess County 4-H Beef Club when he was kid. I remember many muddy spring visits during the 70’s, when we’d hop into his pickup truck and go for our annual Polled Hereford steer shopping trip. The well-rounded life lessons we learned because of him sharing his farming expertise with us – immeasurable.  
  • Our home grown steers also played to his favor, as anyone who knew him knew he was a stickler for fine prime-prime red meat. Along with the beef, his chickens and their eggs, and his pigs with their pork chops and bacon, all made for an annual freezer full of healthy food. He loved the huge garden that he and mom used to plant in the side yard, and was so proud of mom when she used to can and freeze nearly all of our basic vegetables for the year. He had a hankering for eating healthy food, which mom always had ready for him. He loved her cooking. That’s not to say he didn’t enjoy his Wise potato chips, his Breyers Vanilla Bean ice cream, or a piece of chocolate, but his meals had to be healthy. 
  • Another favorite of Dad’s was our many years of snowmobiling. He had so many friends who used to ride together through the fields, all over town. Our yard connected the fields from one part of town to the other. Dad had such fun when the group would gather in the backyard, and share their tales of surviving the bonfires and cookouts up on the mountain, or stories of who had trouble going up or down horseback hill. We even went on long weekend snowmobiling adventures up north – sometimes to Old Forge, sometimes to Lake Luzerne. Dad was always happy at full throttle on his black Arctic Cat Panther. 
  • When we reminisce about our snowmobiling days, we can’t leave out the topic of Dad’s much sought after homemade hard cider.  But at the same time – let’s just leave that topic right here. If you know you know on this one! 
  • Dad loved our decades of annual two-week family vacations to the Daytona 500, and side trips to Disney World. For decades he held eight annual seats for the race. We learned our enjoyment for NASCAR stock car racing because he loved it. Back then, Dad’s all time favorite driver was the king, Richard Petty.  Don’t you remember Dad wearing his Richard Petty black cowboy hat and black glasses?
  • Dad and Mom were pros at throwing parties, including backyard clambakes, picnics, and Kentucky Derby dinners. But a couple of their parties stand out as over the top:
    • In 2004, their house turned 200 years old. So they threw the house a birthday party.They planned for well over a year to have an open house to share their piece of history with hundreds of people from around the Hudson Valley. 
    • In 2009, to celebrate their 50th anniversary, they booked a block of rooms at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel in Montreal for immediate family and close friends. We all traveled together, almost filling an Amtrak car, from Poughkeepsie to the station underneath the Queen Elizabeth Hotel. We spent a long weekend sightseeing, eating, and celebrating their 50 years.  

Dad was always happy when he and mom were entertaining.  

  • Dad and mom shared many trips around the world. They took Amtrak trips back and forth across the United States, an Alaskan cruise, a longboat cruise down the Rhine River, a cruise through the Panama Canal, they visited Scotland, and flew St. Martin a couple of times.  They loved these travels – but their favorite was Ireland, which is why they visited there four times. They could talk for hours about how much and why they loved Ireland.
  • After returning from their trips, Dad was most happy when he had an audience to share his stories about the people they met, all that they did, saw, ate, and drank. Sometimes they traveled just the two of them, but more often than not, they shared those trips with dear relatives and friends. He adored their decades of wintering at the LaCasta in Pompano, Florida, and all of their friendships they formed there. While in the south, he’d love to hear from us in the north about our snow storms and cold temperatures. He was happier than anything to say, “Well, it’s sunny, about 75 here, and the ocean looks calm today.”  LaCosta isn’t going to be the same without Dad there in the winter. 
  • In more recent years, during good weather when mom and dad weren’t out of town, you could find them, nearly every afternoon, both freshly showered, fluffed and buffed, sitting on their beautiful front porch “pre-gaming” with their four o’clock cocktails, just watching the traffic go by. Dad got such a kick out of the many people who drove by that he didn’t know, yet who all waved and beeped at him.  When he had to miss an afternoon on the porch, often people would reach out to us to make sure everything was okay. I can’t count the number of times over the years that when former colleagues of mine, or even strangers, learned where we grew up, they knew the landmark – the big pretty white house on the sharp turn, in the late afternoon, with the two people sitting on the front porch waving. Even a few weeks ago, one of the sweet nurses who took care of dad said, “Oh, that’s where you live?!  Every time we drive by there, I tell my husband I want to sit on a porch just like they do and watch the world go by.”  Dad loved his self-assigned job of bringing joy and smiles to passers-by, from his front porch 
  • Wendy, Darrell and I learned at very young ages that dad was 99.9 % right with most anything he said, and that if you listened closely to him, and followed his lead, you’d be on the right track. This was him right up through his more recent tough days when he wasn’t feeling well. I’ll leave those stories out, because even though he enjoyed being the center of attention with sharing a good story and laughing with everyone, he really was also a private person. Private, proud, strong, and stoic…a definite member of the teflon generation.  

We could talk all day with each of you, and we could create a Netflix series from all of dad’s interesting, fun, and some unbelievable life experiences. For now, in honor of him, I’ll share his favorite afternoon routine and cocktail recipe. 

  • After your chores are done, and just before you go to take your late afternoon shower,
  • Get out two little 6 oz canning jars to use as your drinking glasses.
  • In each jar pour one jigger of vermouth and two jiggers of vodka –
    • That is – Martini Extra Dry Vermouth, and Svedka Vodka
  • Line up the two glasses, one behind the other, on the top shelf in the fridge to chill.  
  • Head upstairs to freshen up. 
  • After you’re done with your shower and have the handsome smell of Old English cologne on, head back downstairs, straight to the fridge.
  • Take out one of the jars and fill it to the rim with ice.
  • At this point, decide whether you want to add a drop of worcester sauce – depending on your mood (Sidebar – True story this was a recommendation made to him by his heart doctor!). 
  • Pick up your drink, head to the front porch.
  • Sit and enjoy the world passing by, while listening to your Irish music on the little, yellow, old fashioned portable radio. (Although he did recently upgrade to an Alexa speaker.) 
  • When you’ve finished your first cocktail, look next to you and say, “Shirl, are you going in for another cocktail?”
  • Be sassed by Shirl, often about being cute or handsome, then wait a few minutes until she returns from the kitchen with your second of their pre-game cocktails, and maybe some crackers, cheese, or chips.  
  • Between cocktails, it’s recommended, not mandatory, to take a pinch of Copenhagen.
  • Take your time to finish the second cocktail.
  • Then close up camp on the front porch and head inside.   
  • While Shirl prepares dinner, sit at the kitchen table to watch your favorite Fox Five News, and simultaneously scroll through the internet on your laptop to find out what was new with any favorite topics such as local or national news, Rush Limbaugh, politics, vehicle auctions, trains, and anything history.    

We’ll “See you in Chicago;” We’ll “See you in the funny papers;” and “Don’t take any wooden nickels, Dad!”

Copyright © 2024. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

Remember to Remind Yourself

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Remember to Remind Yourself

Several months ago, a friend sent this text, which I edited to respect her privacy.

 “I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I am not in a good place. So many things are upsetting me and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel so angry. Things piss me off easily. I have too much stress right now.”  

I knew about the things to which she was referring, as she had shared her thoughts on several topics prior to her text that day.  I responded to her with some of what is in this writing. I’ve since added to it, and thought I’d share it in hopes of helping another person – beginning with reminding myself of these things when life gets a bit bumpy.

*****

I’m so sorry you’re not feeling at the top of your game and feel so much stress. The first thing to check is your blood pressure. If it’s high, it can be a contributing factor to feeling ouchy. After that – I know you are often worried about your parents, concerned for your husband, worried about the kids [grown-ups], and worried about the future as you head toward retirement – all rightfully so. Just those things are enough to overwhelm anyone. You’re not alone. Many who are our age and at our stage in life have similar worries. None of our families or situations are perfect. Some moments are better than others, some days are better than others, some weeks are better than others.

Try not to be too hard on yourself or too hard on the people you’re either worried about or angry and pissed off at. The only shoes we’re in are our own. We often don’t know the stresses others have with which they manage to cover up and smile through, or the stresses they can’t hide which are causing them to be cranky.

And then this – on a personal level, chances are that much of whatever is upsetting you or making you angry, you have every right to be angry about. So give yourself a break about being upset. At the same time, keep in mind that this might be one of those times that it’s healthier for you to deal with this not head on, but rather with an understanding, so that it doesn’t fester within your heart. You can’t change someone else’s behavior, but you can figure out why their behavior is hurting you, and then find your way through it from that perspective.  It’s taken years – too long – for me to get to the part where I understand the “why” a situation is causing me turmoil in my heart or mind. I’ve always realized that no one has the right to do so, but it’s that last follow through to the why which can bring peace. 

Over time, I’ve learned that whenever I’m faced with an interference of my personal calm or peace, be it a thoughtless statement or action of another person in situations such as a text or email, on the phone, social media, at a store, in traffic, or at a social gathering, to immediately help myself, I try to remember to  “give myself a breathing pause.” 

This can be done conspicuously if needed, and gives the immediate appearance of being in control of yourself while you go through your thoughts and choose your words. I breathe in through my nose while counting to six, then exhale through my mouth, while counting to six. If needed, I do it a few times. It sets the stage for me to refocus and to keep myself from reacting or overreacting. Then while in a calmer state, I’m able to rationally think through the situation, and attempt to look at it from the other person’s perspective. This is not always easy, but the reward for me is peace, calm, and a settled heart and stomach. In each situation, the sooner I remember that there are more ways to think, act, and react than just my way, the better off I am. It eventually can become second nature to approach tough situations. There will undoubtedly be exceptions, but for the most part, it works. 

In the bigger picture, outside of our immediate circle, there is also enough negative news on any given day – enough to stress out the most calm of people. The state of our country, for the most part, is not in a good place. We’re in the midst of one of the most horrific political situations that has been experienced in many decades, regardless of political affiliation. The many politics and policies or lack thereof, are affecting everything we touch financially. The old saying, “Money can’t buy happiness” may be true, but when everything costs so much more than only a few years ago, the increased financial struggles are more than most people have prepared for and it has caused extreme stress for many people. 

This situation does not help or make it easy for people our age who are retired or trying to retire. Most people in our country have been feeling the domino effect of high costs financially and ultimately emotionally, for a few years. Beginning at the top of the supply chain, all the way down to the customer, everyone feels the financial squeeze. Businesses worry about their bottom line. Employees worry about their jobs. Customers are cranky about the costs of daily necessities. Many struggle to stay happy while enduring such situations; we all have our own breaking points with finances and emotions. Maybe this is your breaking point. 

When you’re at your breaking point, your reality has to know that the only thing we have some form of control over is ourselves, our attitudes, and how we choose to view and respond to our situations. To help myself through times that I know I can’t control or during situations that are tough for me, I trust in my higher power, and pray while saying, “Jesus, please take the wheel.”  Maybe this or something similar could help your heart, also. 

Given all that is going on within our immediate circles as well as in the outer layers of our lives, try to go easy on yourself and your expectations of others. Go easy on yourself while working through how to best handle each of the things that are bugging you, one thing at a time. 

You are a beautiful, wonderful person and friend. Your family adores and counts on your love. You deserve to take any breaks, pauses, and breaths you want or need. Bad days have at least something good in them and most days have more good than bad. 

Now I have to remember to give myself the same advice! 

Copyright © 2024. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

Forgiveness Does Not Have to Include Reconciliation of a Relationship

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Forgiveness Does Not Have to Include Reconciliation of a Relationship  

In the interest of privacy, I’ve left out specific names, dates, and situational details. Rest assured that if you are reading this, you can trust that it wasn’t about you.  

This was one of those times when I wrote about a situation not to send it to the person, but rather to just to help myself sort through it and to find peace about it.  After I wrote this, I just tucked it away. In reflection, I did find peace and have smoothly moved forward.  I decided that enough time has passed such that I feel comfortable sharing this in hopes that one day it might help another person.  Here goes…

*****

If you are looking for forgiveness, I forgive you. I truly believe that if a person knows better, they do better. But, forgiveness does not have to include reconciliation. I’m not interested in reconciliation in this particular situation. I cannot change you, but I can change my responses. Thank you for reaching out, but I am no longer available to be hurt by you.  

Perception is reality. I don’t believe it’s actually me you are missing, rather I believe you are missing having some fresh “dirt” or “gossip” about me or my family.  I believe you are missing having someone to speak down to. I believe you are missing having someone to judge. I believe you are missing reminding me of any negatives that might be or have been in my life or my family. And, I believe you are missing me sharing so much of myself with you and your family – a fault of mine – I did and gave too much, for far too long. 

I am far from perfect, and sometimes even too critical of myself, but that does not give you or anyone in your family a right to make fun of or disrespect any part of me – my thoughts, words, decisions, my looks, body, face, hair, what I wear, my personality, or how I hug and love, to my face or behind my back, like you so often enjoyed doing.

Right now, what I clearly remember are years of your mean words, judgemental raised eyebrow looks, and negative snippy, sharp comments. I am not missing being spoken to in your condescending tone. I am not missing making phone calls to your home – knowing you or your family are there yet choosing to not answer, and grumbling or laughing about my call. I watched you do it to others; I know you did it to me. I am not missing the feeling of knowing that whatever personal information I shared with you in private was being talked and gossiped about, critiqued and judged by you and whomever you decided with which to break my confidence. I am not missing being pushed,begged,made to feel bad, coerced,manipulated into doing things I didn’t want to do, no matter how trivial. And I am not missing knowing that whatever personal situation of mine that I shared with you was being cataloged with fine detail in your mind, and stored at the ready to eventually be slung back at me, in a mean-girl manner, beginning with your patronizing, inhaling statement, “I always remember when…”  

I have forgiven many hurtful unkind things that you’ve done and said to and about me throughout the years. I always forgave you; I always reconciled – your way – for the good of what I thought was a friendship. I picked myself up and brushed off from whatever betrayal you flung my way. I moved forward, forgiving, trusting again that you wouldn’t hurt me.  I was wrong, time and time again. Were there good times? Sure there were some over the years. However, I now realize that you had many more good times than I did, at my expense.  

While thinking through my forgiveness for your most recent insult, I asked myself why, why all of these years did I forgive and reconcile, so many times, generally with you not caring how hurt I was? The best answer I could give myself was that, as a friend, I simply believed it was the right thing to do. I guess I thought I was doing what my religion taught me to do – “turn the other cheek,” you know, don’t respond with an insult or in an unkind way.  I now realize that it was the wrong thing to do, for myself.  It took me much too long to totally understand that although one should turn the other cheek, that does not include returning to be hurt again. Turning the other cheek does not include reconciling. 

This time there is no going back, and no going forward with what I have misunderstood as a friendship. You see, it’s one thing to disrespect me. but it’s a completely different thing when you believe you get to disrespectfully make fun of my family and friends. They might not be perfect, but they are perfect just as they are and they’re mine.  

You had the audacity to believe that you would again get to come out ahead and on top, with your condescending, self-amusing, “Oopsy.” But not this time. It was more than me who you hurt. You do not trump my family, and how dare you believe that you trump my husband. Neither he nor I are perfect, but we’re perfect for each other and together. He loves, adores, and cares for me unlike any other. We’ve been together for decades; he is my everything and I am his everything. You cannot break through that with your thoughtless remarks.

You and I differ on what I believe are some of the most important things in life. Among them are the definitions of friendship, kindness, confidant, trust, understanding, and being a taker vs being a giver. 

I am fine with my decision to forgive you, yet not reconcile.  I hold no grudges, I forgive you, and I wish for you only wonderful things in your life. At the same time, you have severed my trust for the last time, and I will continue to protect my family, friends, and my heart against further hurt from what I now understand to have been your inconsiderate folly. I am no longer available to fulfill your need to hurt someone.

When I see you in public, of course I will wave, smile, say hello, and then I will move along.  Lessons are repeated until they are learned.  I finally learned. 

Copyright © 2024. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

June 2022 Letter to Rising 9th Graders

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Dear Rising Ninth Graders, 

Congratulations on succeeding in doing what it takes to make it to this milestone!  Your hard work and persistence to rise above a variety of obstacles in order to get to this moment have paid off!  

I am excited to share this milestone year with you; it’s my retirement year!  Like you, it has taken me many years of hard work and persistence to get to this special time in my life!  I’d like to share a few things that have helped me along the way, in hopes that they might help you.   

Have gratitude. You have had years of encouragement from many people who surround you – family, friends, teachers, coaches, neighbors and others in your community. Take a moment to reflect on all that they have done for and with you. Take the time to tell them how grateful you are for their care and support. The character trait of being grateful will always serve you well!  

Be a person of integrity, be positive, and have humility.  By now you’ve learned that things in life don’t always come easy nor are they always fair. What really matters is how you handle getting through those tough times. Look for the good, stay positive, surround yourself with good and positive people. If you fall, pick yourself up;  learn from your mistakes. If you succeed, do it with humility. Above all, do everything with integrity. That is, be honest and hang on to your strong moral principles to always do the right thing. The character traits of being positive, having humility, and being a person of integrity will never let you down as you navigate the worst and best of times.  

Be kind. One of my favorite quotes often attributed to poet Maya Angelo is, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Be friendly, generous, considerate, help others, don’t act entitled, choose your battles wisely, use your manners, smile, and sing happy songs! These acts of kindness will help you arrive gracefully where you want to be in life. You’ll always be able to feel as if you made a difference in the lives of others when you know you’ve been kind in all situations.

Be strong. Don’t confuse gratitude, positivity, humility, integrity and kindness with being too soft.  It takes a strong-minded person to succeed at having these character traits, and to be able balance them with all that life will present to you. As long as you stay committed to working at being a good person, the puzzle pieces for the rest of your life will all fit when and where they should! 

If you’ve had me for a teacher then you know I have a lot of silly sayings. My favorite is, “Act like how you are supposed to be acting.”  Please use my quote as often as you’d like.  It can keep you from looking back and saying, “I could have or should have done different or better.” Best wishes for a lifetime of good health, success, prosperity, love, and joy!  

With fond memories, 

Mrs. Peterson

Driving with Care: Reducing Aggression, Avoiding Distractions, and Supporting Youthful and Elderly Drivers

“It’s better to lose one minute in life than to lose life in one minute.” –  Author Unknown

by: Suzie Peterson

May 22, 2025

Local Roads and Rising Danger

In my community, driving on many of the main roads has steadily grown more hazardous. Emergency calls related to car accidents are a daily certainty. These accidents continue to increase, with distracted and aggressive drivers playing a significant role. This trend is concerning to me. After recently witnessing numerous “close calls,” I felt compelled to gather and share some general thoughts and reminders about being on the road.

I am aware of the low chances that those who are the offenders of misbehaving behind the wheel probably won’t be the readers of this article. So that makes it even more important for me to share my reminding thoughts about the importance of remaining vigilant, patient, and calm to protect yourself and others.

Road Rage: What is it?  Why Does It Happen? How to Stay Calm?

Road rage is an increasingly common and dangerous phenomenon on roads around the world. Most drivers have either been on the receiving end of it, or upon reflection, can admit to having been the aggressive driver themselves at some point.

It often begins with minor irritations – someone cutting into a lane, driving too slowly, or failing to signal. These small annoyances can quickly escalate into aggressive behaviors such as tailgating, excessive honking, flashing headlights, weaving through traffic, making threatening gestures, and other forms of reckless driving.

Such behavior typically stems from frustration or perceived slights while on the road. In extreme cases, road rage can even lead to physical confrontations. These outbursts are often fueled by accumulated stress, emotional overload, or a sense of injustice while driving.

What is the Mindset Behind Road Rage?

Understanding the causes of road rage and adopting strategies to stay calm can help reduce tension and improve safety for everyone on the road.  Road rage has no single cause. It results from a mix of psychological, emotional, environmental, and cultural factors:

  • Stress and Frustration: Daily pressures such as work problems, financial concerns, or personal conflicts often spill over into driving. Traffic jams, delays, and perceived disrespect can exacerbate these feelings, leading to outbursts.
  • Impatience and Time Pressure: Many drivers feel rushed due to busy schedules. Delays caused by slow drivers, stoplights, or congestion may feel like personal attacks on one’s time, triggering irritation.
  • Anonymity Behind the Wheel: Inside a vehicle, drivers feel anonymous and less accountable. This sense of invisibility makes it easier to act aggressively toward others who are seen as obstacles rather than people.
  • Perceived Injustice or Entitlement: Drivers often feel justified in reacting when others violate road rules. This “I’m right, you’re wrong” mindset can provoke retaliatory behavior.
  • Aggressive Personality Traits: Some individuals naturally have lower tolerance for frustration and are prone to anger or impulsivity.
  • Environmental Triggers: Heavy traffic, loud noises, hot weather, long commutes, sleep deprivation, alcohol, or aggressive music can impair judgment and increase irritability.
  • Cultural Norms and Learned Behavior: In some cultures or families, aggressive driving is normalized or even admired, which can perpetuate such behavior across generations.

Distracted Driving: A Growing Danger

Distracted driving compounds road rage and increases accident risk. Common distractions include:

  • Using mobile phones for calls, texting, or social media
  • Eating, drinking, smoking, playing with your nails, face, hair, or reading while driving
  • Adjusting radio, GPS, or climate controls
  • Talking or arguing with passengers
  • Daydreaming or losing focus

These distractions reduce reaction time and situational awareness, making it harder to respond safely to road hazards or aggressive drivers.

How to Avoid Road Rage

Preventing road rage begins with self-awareness and preparation. Some effective strategies include:

  • Allowing extra travel time to ease time pressure
  • Practicing deep breathing or other calming techniques during stressful moments – or even making the decision to not drive, if possible, when you feel stressed or upset
  • Playing relaxing music or podcasts to create a soothing environment
  • Reframing other drivers’ mistakes as unintentional rather than personal offenses
  • Letting go of the need to “win” or be right on the road
  • Avoiding eye contact, gestures, or verbal exchanges with aggressive drivers

When Another Driver Exhibits Road Rage

If confronted by an aggressive driver – tailgating, honking, or shouting – the safest approach is to remain calm and avoid engagement. Helpful mindsets include:

  • Recognizing that aggressive behavior is usually not personal but habitual
  • Allowing the aggressive driver to pass is a sign of wisdom, not weakness
  • Understanding that it’s not your responsibility to “teach a lesson”
  • Prioritizing safety and calm over proving a point
  • Driving to a public area or contacting authorities if threats escalate

Often, once the aggressive driver passes you, that same driver will exhibit the same disrespect and misbehavior toward the next vehicle. I always refer to it as the driver is “onto their next victim.”  This underscores that the problem lies with them, not you.

New Drivers and the Myth of Invincibility

A notable group that affects road safety is new drivers, often teenagers or young adults, who sometimes believe they are invincible behind the wheel. This sense of invulnerability stems from a mix of youthful confidence, lack of driving experience, and sometimes an underestimation of risks. Media portrayals of fast, fearless drivers and peer pressure can also reinforce this mindset.

This belief leads some new drivers to take unnecessary risks, such as speeding, tailgating, abrupt lane changes, or distracted driving. Their overconfidence and inexperience can cause unpredictable behavior that frustrates and endangers other road users.

Other drivers often react with irritation or anger toward reckless new drivers, which can contribute to a cycle of road rage. Moreover, the mistakes or misjudgments by new drivers increase the likelihood of accidents, posing a threat to themselves and everyone else on the road.

In general, helping new drivers recognize their vulnerabilities through proper education, supervised practice, and emphasizing patience and respect on the road is essential. Encouraging a realistic understanding of driving risks can reduce dangerous behaviors and help to improve overall road safety. 

Elderly Drivers and the Difficult Decision to Stop Driving

A related issue affecting road safety is the situation faced by many elderly drivers who must eventually give up driving. For seniors, driving often symbolizes independence and freedom. However, age-related declines in vision, reflexes, cognition, and motor skills can affect their driving safety, increasing risks for themselves and others.

The decision to stop driving can be emotionally challenging, causing feelings of loss, frustration, and isolation. When addressing these challenges, it’s important for the elderly person to understand that putting their own life in danger is up to them, but putting the lives of other drivers is non-negotiable. This eventual transition sometimes leads to anxiety or irritability, which can even contribute to tense or aggressive behavior on the road.

Supporting elderly drivers through this process involves:

  • Encouraging regular health and vision screenings to assess fitness for driving
  • Informing seniors about alternative transportation options
  • Promoting patience and empathy from other drivers when encountering elderly motorists
  • Helping seniors maintain social connections and mobility through accessible transit or ride-sharing services

If a family is having a difficult time convincing their elderly person that it is time to give up driving for safety reasons, the healthcare professional in the elderly person’s life can be a good resource to take the heat on the decision to no longer drive. The conversation should be one of compassion, stressing road safety within the community, while at the same time respecting the dignity and independence of older adults.

Respecting the Weather: Safe Driving in All Conditions

Weather can turn even the simplest drive into a serious hazard if you’re not paying attention. Rain, ice, sleet, snow—and even bright sunshine—can all drastically affect road conditions and visibility. It’s crucial to respect the weather and adjust your driving accordingly.

Remember that even if you have special tires for the weather, or if you drive a big vehicle or similar, those things are not a guarantee that you will be kept safe. Being mindful of the conditions, and making intelligent and safe decisions, including holding off from driving for a few hours, will be what keeps you safe.

Rain reduces tire traction and increases stopping distances. Slow down and give yourself extra space between vehicles. Always use your headlights and avoid cruise control in heavy rain.

Ice and sleet create extremely slippery surfaces. Even if a road looks clear, black ice may be present. Drive slowly, avoid sudden braking or turning, and be especially cautious on bridges and overpasses, which freeze faster than regular roads.

Snow affects both visibility and traction. Clear your entire vehicle of snow and ice before driving. Use gentle steering and acceleration, and leave extra space between cars.

If you haven’t cleared the snow off the roof of your car, it can slide onto your windshield and obstruct your view completely, or it can fly off the back of your car and land on the car behind you, causing a dangerous situation for that driver. I have experienced both; they were jarring and dangerous situations. Some states have laws that you have to clear off your entire vehicle, including the roof. Regardless of whether your state has such a law, if snow from your car causes an accident, you could be considered a reckless driver in the legal world.

Bright sunshine might seem harmless, but glare can obscure traffic signals, other cars, or pedestrians. or simply the road in front of you. Keep your windshield clean, use sunglasses, and slow down when visibility is limited by the sun. Driving due east or due west at “just the right time of day,” can completely blind you. I have experienced this; it can come upon you in a split second, creating an unnerving and dangerous situation.

No matter the weather, overconfidence and recklessness can turn dangerous situations into disasters. Respect the conditions, stay alert, and adjust your driving to keep yourself and others safe on the road.

Final Thoughts

Driving safely is more than a personal choice—it reflects a collective promise to look out for everyone who shares the road. It involves controlling our emotions, steering clear of distractions, being patient with inexperienced drivers, and showing kindness to older individuals behind the wheel. Putting others in danger is never okay; each of us plays a part in fostering a respectful and secure driving atmosphere.

Traffic can be stressful, and it’s easy to lose patience or assume others are driving poorly on purpose. However, choosing to remain calm rather than react with anger, staying alert instead of distracted, and responding with understanding instead of criticism can prevent accidents and save lives. Our roads should be places of cooperation, not conflict.

Ultimately, the way we drive says a lot about how we regard others, even those we may never meet. Practicing patience, focus, and compassion while driving helps create a safer environment for all and reflects a broader culture of mutual respect and shared responsibility.

“Every time you get behind the wheel, you’re making a choice—be a protector, not a threat.” – Author Unknown

Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

“Just Sayin’”: Why It’s Ruder Than You Think

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

We’ve all heard it. That little phrase tacked onto the end of a sentence that somehow makes everything worse: “just sayin’.” Maybe someone pointed out your messy hair or critiqued your outfit with a smug grin, or made a rude comment about someone not present to hear the remarks, followed by those two words. Somehow, it’s supposed to soften the blow. But instead of easing the tension, “just sayin’” often lands like a backhanded slap — one that’s quickly followed by a shrug and a fake smile. Fake.

So, why is “just sayin’” so irritating?

At its core, it’s a dismissive phrase. People often use it after making a comment that’s critical, sarcastic, or judgmental — then try to avoid responsibility for what they said. It’s like throwing a verbal punch and then stepping back, saying, “Don’t blame me, I’m just saying it.” It’s a way to dodge the emotional consequences of speaking bluntly, often at someone else’s expense. It’s a way to try to not take accountability for a cantankerous comment.

In many cases, “just sayin’” feels demeaning because it tries to wrap meanness in a casual tone. Instead of owning up to the fact that something was rude or inappropriate, it downplays it. And worse, it puts the burden on the listener to “not take it personally.” This kind of passive-aggressive communication can wear down trust in conversations, especially among friends, family, or coworkers.

The phrase is often used by people who see themselves as “straight shooters” — those who pride themselves on telling it like it is, regardless of how their words affect others. They may think they’re being honest or helpful, but in reality, they’re often prioritizing their own sense of superiority over someone else’s feelings. These individuals might struggle with empathy or simply lack awareness about how they come across. Others might use “just sayin’” as a defense mechanism — people who enjoy the feeling of thinking that they are witty or sharp but don’t want to be called out for being rude. They use the phrase like a shield, hoping it will camouflage or excuse what they said.

There are also people who are uncomfortable with confrontation but still want to express frustration or criticism. They’ll sneak in a jab followed by “just sayin’” to test the waters. If the listener gets upset, they can retreat with a casual “I didn’t mean anything by it.” It’s a way to throw stones without starting a full argument.

 What can we say instead?

If you are in a position such that you believe it’s right to express your thoughts and opinions, then thankfully, there are better ways to do so without sounding mean. dismissive, or condescending. Here are several alternatives — with examples — that encourage open, respectful dialogue:

1. “I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but…”
This shows self-awareness and respect.
Instead of: “That haircut makes your head look big, just sayin’.”
Try: “I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but I think your last haircut really suited you more.”

2. “I’m offering this as a suggestion…”
This invites feedback rather than shutting someone down.
Instead of: “You should stop talking so much in meetings, just sayin’.”
Try: “I’m offering this as a suggestion — maybe if you give others more space to speak, your points will carry even more weight.”

3. “Can I be honest with you about something?”
This builds trust instead of tearing someone down.
Instead of: “Your cooking’s not great, just sayin’.”
Try: “Can I be honest with you about something? I think the dish might need a little more seasoning, but I really appreciate the effort you put in.”

4. “Have you considered…?”
This encourages curiosity and opens discussion.
Instead of: “That plan doesn’t make sense, just sayin’.”
Try: “Have you considered tweaking the second part of your plan? I think it might flow better that way.”

5. “From my perspective…”
This keeps it about you, not an attack on them.
Instead of: “You sound super defensive, just sayin’.”
Try: “From my perspective, it felt like things got a little tense — are you okay?”

6. “I want to be helpful, not hurtful…”
This signals your intention clearly.
Instead of: “That’s not how a leader should act, just sayin’.”
Try: “I want to be helpful, not hurtful — but I think your tone came across a little harsh in that meeting.”

In the end, “just sayin’” might seem like a harmless phrase — but it usually carries a sharp edge. If we want to build stronger, more respectful conversations, it’s worth dropping the dismissive language and being a little more thoughtful with how we speak. After all, words don’t just reflect what we think and who we are — they shape how others feel.

So maybe next time we feel the urge to say “just sayin’,” we should stop and ask ourselves: what am I really trying to say? And how can I say it in a way that brings people closer, not pushes them away?

“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.” – Carl Sandburg

Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

The Quiet Hero of My Everyday Life

The quote on our wedding invitation so many years ago still holds true: “An answered prayer he is to me, my greatest blessing she’ll always be, and so on this day we pledge our love, in the presence of family, friends, and God above.”

Here’s to you, my Bruce, on just an ordinary-no special occassion day, about extra ordinary special you.

by: Suzie Peterson

May 15, 2025

In a world that often celebrates loud achievements and flashy accolades, my husband is the quiet, steady force who makes life not only manageable but truly beautiful. He is a man of few words but immense action—a partner whose love is expressed not just in what he says, but in all the tireless things he does every single day.

A retired home inspector and an engineer, he once spent his recent days ensuring the strength and safety of structures, and years ago planning and inspecting municipal infrastructure—now, he applies that same care to the structure of our everyday life. Though he’s no longer climbing attics or reviewing blueprints, that analytical mind and steady hand haven’t retired at all. Whether it’s fixing a leak, rewiring a socket, or diagnosing a mysterious household quirk, he still approaches every task like the professional he always was—methodical, determined, and endlessly capable.

He also retired from working as a chef, San Francisco Culinary trained, but you’d never know he retired – he continues to create magic in our kitchen. He cooks with the same flair and creativity that once made him thrive in a professional kitchen, turning even simple meals into something worth savoring. The kitchen is still his canvas, and though he leaves behind a trail of spices and stacked pans, it’s always worth it. Every dish he makes feels like a love letter in flavor—comforting, intentional, and deeply nourishing.

We found each other at the right time in our lives—not in the rush of youth, but in a quieter, richer chapter where we knew what truly mattered. There’s something extraordinary about building love with the wisdom of experience and the openness that only comes after weathering life’s storms. In each other, we found peace, joy, and a kind of companionship that feels both grounding and liberating.

He is the house’s quiet caretaker, taking on everything from laundry to plumbing with calm determination. He paints walls, fixes leaky pipes, wires tricky outlets, and somehow still finds time to mow the lawn and trim the hedges. Whether he’s assembling a shelf, repairing a squeaky door, or building something from scratch, he tackles it all with a focus that borders on devotion. Problems are puzzles to him, and he solves them with such intensity that it feels like the fate of the world hangs in the balance.

Yet, for all his skill and strength, he carries a gentle soul. Arthritis gnaws at his joints, but he never lets on. He keeps going, lifting groceries, hauling suitcases, and acting as our family’s ever-willing sherpa. He carries more than just bags—he carries us. With empathy that runs deep and never seems to run out, he cares for me when I’m sick like a trained nurse, and supports me no matter what whim or wild idea I have that day. He listens—even when he’s absent-minded—and stands beside me even when he’s aching.

He loves my children and grandchildren with an open heart, never distinguishing them as “mine” or “his”—only “ours.” Watching him with them is watching unconditional love in motion. He is playful, generous, intelligent, and deeply kind, a presence that offers safety and warmth, and a respected role model in our family.

He is neat in intention, if not always in practice—his tools may end up scattered, and the kitchen sometimes tells the story of a storm of spices.  He doesn’t sweat the small things, and he certainly never criticizes. His love is steady and unwavering, never based on appearances or expectations.

He is a gentleman in every sense: respectful, reserved, and endlessly considerate. He’s the one who notices when I need a hand but does not notice my ol’ grammie nightgown and my “crazy grammie hair,” as our grandchildren call it. In that, there is great grace—he sees me, not my clothes, not my flaws, just me.

In short, my husband is the kind of man who may not shout his virtues from the rooftops, but he lives them out in quiet, powerful ways. He is the heartbeat of our home—the problem-solver, the comforter, the builder, the cook, the nurse, the partner, and the friend. Perfectly imperfect, wonderfully human, and endlessly loved. And I love you so, my Bruce-the-man.

May everyone have the chance to have a love like ours!

Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

More Than Meets the Eye: The Truth About First Impressions

“Things are not asking to be judged by you,” Marcus Aurelius writes in his Meditations. “Remember, you always have the power to have no opinion. Most things in life are better off without your judgment hovering over them.“

by: Suzie Peterson

May 10, 2025

Our nature as humans – we are full of contradictions—we are, in many ways, so simple, yet deeply complex. At our core, we all crave similar things: connection, trust, belonging. These basic desires make us relatable and easy to understand on the surface. But how we communicate, protect, or hide those needs can be surprisingly complicated. This double-sided nature is one of the main reasons why first impressions often don’t capture who someone truly is.

We’re taught that first impressions matter, and that they do. They shape how we see others from the beginning and can influence how we treat them. However, experience has taught me something more important: that first impressions can be incomplete, and sometimes completely wrong.

Not everyone shows their true self right away. Some people are quiet, nervous, or cautious when meeting someone new. Others might act differently than they normally would because they’re unsure of how they’ll be received. I’ve found that the people who seem distant at first often turn out to be incredibly kind, thoughtful, and trustworthy once they feel safe enough to open up.

Getting to know someone takes time. Real trust and connection grow gradually, not instantly. When people feel comfortable, their real personalities come forward—their humor, their warmth, their depth. You start to see the parts of them that weren’t obvious at first, and often those are the qualities that matter most.

It’s generally a good idea to be slow to judge others because jumping to conclusions about someone’s character or motivations based on limited information or how they look can lead to misunderstandings, may cause harm, and may cause you to lose opportunities.

So yes, pay attention to your first impressions, but don’t let them be the final judgment. Give people room to be themselves. Some of the most unforgettable individuals are the ones who take time to unfold.

Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

We’re Not Going to Change Each Other’s Minds—And That’s Okay

“Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument an exchange of ignorance.” – Robert Quillen, journalist

by: Suzie Peterson

May 10, 2025

In any political conversation, especially between people with opposing viewpoints, there’s often an unspoken expectation: persuasion. One person explains their beliefs, hoping the other will see the light and change theirs. But when it comes to deeply held political stances—ones shaped by years of lived experience, values, identity, and information sources—the reality is that these conversations rarely end in changed minds. And that’s okay.

You and I are not going to change each other’s political views, not because one of us isn’t capable of listening or thinking critically, but because political beliefs are deeply rooted. They tie into how we see the world, whom we trust, and what we prioritize. Changing a political stance isn’t like updating a phone app—it’s more like rethinking your place in the world. That doesn’t happen in the course of one conversation—or even many.

More importantly, trying to “win” an argument often turns a discussion into a battle, where the goal becomes victory rather than understanding. When that happens, empathy disappears, and walls go up. In that dynamic, neither of us is truly listening; we’re just waiting to respond. Instead of growing closer to the truth, we end up more entrenched.

Many people push the limits of their beliefs so forcefully that they end up imposing their point of view on others; sometimes they know what they are doing, and sometimes they don’t realize it. When it comes to sensitive topics like politics and religion, it’s important to pause and practice honest self-reflection. Taking a breath and stepping back can reveal more than we might expect, about ourselves. The truth is, we’re unlikely to change each other’s minds through confrontation, so we have to ask ourselves: is all the noise and conflict really worth it?

That doesn’t mean the conversation is worthless. While we may not change each other’s minds, we can learn what the other values, fears, and hopes for. We can gain insight into the human being behind the political label. 

Even when we disagree—sometimes especially when we disagree—there’s room for respect. Disagreement should never silence us or take away our right to speak.  

And it should never involve bullying, making fun of others, speaking with condescension, or the assumption that our opinion is the only one. Mocking others undermines respectful dialogue. 

So no, we’re not going to change each other’s political or religious stance. But we can change the way we relate to one another. We can replace hostility with gentle curiosity, condescension with patience, and certainty with humility. And maybe, in time, that shift will do more good than winning any argument about politics or religion ever could.

Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

Let Things Breathe: A Note on Reactive Drama and Social Media Outbursts

by: Suzie Peterson

May 9, 2025

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
 — Epictetus

We live in an era of instant gratification and even faster opinions. Social media encourages speed over reflection, and outrage over understanding. The moment anything happens—whether public, personal, or somewhere in between—the pressure to comment, condemn, or take sides kicks in.

The hard truth: reacting quickly isn’t the same as responding wisely.

Too often, people jump into the middle of situations they don’t fully understand. They post based on half-truths, vague screenshots, or the loudest voice in the room. Facts get buried beneath assumptions. Context is ignored. And the cycle of online drama spins out of control before the full story even has a chance to unfold.

Here’s the thing: not everything needs your immediate opinion. And more importantly, not every situation is what it first appears to be. Sometimes, the most responsible, respectful thing you can do is wait.

It’s okay to say, “I don’t know enough about this yet.” It’s okay to withhold judgment until the dust settles and more information becomes available. In fact, doing so shows maturity and emotional intelligence. Jumping in with a hot take might earn a few likes, but if you’re wrong—or worse, if you’re part of the problem—you’re the one left backpedaling while others quietly take note.

“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
 — Will Rogers

That may sound harsh, but it’s a reminder that restraint is powerful. Silence, when intentional, is not weakness. It’s often a sign of wisdom.

Next time you’re tempted to post a passionate reaction in real time, ask yourself a few questions:

  • Do I have all the facts?
  • Is this my place to speak?
  • Am I adding clarity—or just more noise?

We don’t need more reactive drama. We need a more thoughtful presence. So breathe. Wait. Reflect. Let the truth rise before you rush to speak.

Because sometimes, a moment of patience can save you from a very public regret.

Copyright © 2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

Why Dressing Down Can Mean Stepping Up: A Personal Take on Workplace Style

by: Suzie Peterson

May 9, 2025

A neat, polished appearance communicates that you are dependable and organized.

There’s an old saying that “clothes make the person.” In many professional environments, that has long translated to suits, dress shoes, pencil skirts, and blazers. For decades, we’ve been taught to associate dressing up with taking work seriously—looking “put together” is often seen as shorthand for being responsible, capable, and career-minded.

But I’d like to challenge that idea.

In my own experience, the days I was the most productive, focused, and even creative at work were the days I dressed comfortably. I’m not talking about showing up in yoga pants and slippers, but rather clean, well-fitted, professional casual wear that allowed me to move, breathe, and think without distraction.

When I dressed comfortably, I didn’t feel like I was dressing down. I felt like I was showing up fully as myself—focused, present, and ready to give my best. My attitude didn’t slack off because I wasn’t in formal attire. Quite the opposite. I felt more energized, more at ease, and better equipped to handle the demands of the day.

Comfort Isn’t the Enemy of Professionalism

Uncomfortable clothes can be a huge distraction. Tight collars, stiff shoes, restrictive fabrics—all of that adds a layer of stress to an already full day. You’re constantly adjusting, fidgeting, or counting down the minutes until you can change. That doesn’t make anyone more professional; it just makes them more preoccupied.

On the other hand, when you’re wearing clothes that feel good—something breathable, supportive, and suited to your work—it’s easier to stay focused. Your mind isn’t stuck on your sore feet or how tight your waistband feels. You’re free to fully engage with your work.

That’s why I firmly believe that professionalism is about more than clothing. It’s about presence, effort, and how you carry yourself.

Clean, Pressed, and Appropriate Still Matter

Now, this isn’t an argument for wearing pajamas to the office, or the classroom in my case, or ignoring hygiene. Comfort shouldn’t come at the cost of presentation. In any workplace, appearance still sends a message. But we need to redefine what that message looks like.

You can wear relaxed clothing and still look completely professional. The key is being intentional:

  • Clean: Your clothes should be freshly washed, free of stains, odors, or pet hair.
  • Pressed: Wrinkle-free clothing shows you took care and time, even if you’re not in formalwear.
  • Well-maintained: No holes, stretched-out fabrics, or obvious wear-and-tear.
  • Work-appropriate: Context matters. What’s okay in a startup might not fly in a law office. Know your audience.

Dressing this way shows that you respect yourself, your role, and your workplace—even if you’re not wearing a tie or heels.

Understanding the “Why” Behind Someone’s Outfit

There’s also an important layer of empathy here. Sometimes what looks like a casual outfit has a deeper reason behind it. Those running shoes might be a medical necessity. That loose top might help someone manage chronic pain or sensory issues. That decision not to wear a blazer might be about avoiding overheating during a long day of meetings.

We don’t always know what someone is dealing with. Judging a person’s capability or commitment based on their wardrobe is not only unfair—it’s unwise. We risk overlooking great employees and coworkers by clinging to outdated ideas of what “professional” looks like.

Letting People Do Their Best Work

The truth is, people do their best work when they feel good—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Comfortable clothing can support all three. A flexible dress code that allows for clean, polished, and relaxed clothing gives people room to show up as their best selves.

It says, “We care more about your contributions than your cuffs.” It fosters inclusion, creativity, and authenticity. And, in my experience, it often leads to better work.

So no, dressing up doesn’t automatically make someone better at their job. And dressing down—when done with intention and respect—doesn’t mean they’re slacking. Sometimes, it means they’re gearing up to give it their all.

And that’s something worth wearing proudly.

Copyright © 2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.

Don’t Judge the Lean: Why Body Posture Isn’t an Exact Science

by: Suzie Peterson

May 9, 2025

We’ve all heard it before — from TED Talks, leadership books, or that self-proclaimed body language expert in our circle:

“Body language never lies.”

Supposedly, if someone crosses their arms, avoids eye contact, or slouches, it’s a clear reflection of who they are or what they’re feeling.

But I want to offer a different perspective:

What if that lean, that slouch, that folded arm has nothing to do with personality — and everything to do with pain, comfort, or simply being human?

The Coffee Shop Moment

Not long ago, on a visit to a local cafe, I noticed a man leaning heavily on one elbow, hunched over his phone. His posture screamed “disengaged” by body language standards — collapsed, distant, maybe even rude.

Twenty minutes later, he slowly stood up and adjusted a leg brace.

Just like that, the narrative changed.

He wasn’t “checked out.” He was coping.

That one quiet observation reminded me of something we don’t talk about enough:

Posture doesn’t always tell you what someone’s thinking. Sometimes, it just tells you how someone’s feeling — physically, emotionally, neurologically — in that moment.

More Than Meets the Eye

We live in a world obsessed with decoding people. Articles break down “the confident stance.” Trainers teach the “power pose.” We’re taught to interpret posture as a reflection of character — but that’s not always fair.

Take me, for instance. I will very often stretch my back out and lean forward at my desk — not because I’m intense or engaged — but because my arthritic tailbone hurts horribly if I don’t give it a break.

I have a friend who constantly shifts in her seat and bounces her leg — not due to nerves, but because her ADHD brain finds stillness suffocating.

Another friend slouches habitually — she’s confident, charismatic, and very successful. But she also happens to be very tall and spent most of her self-conscious teenage years trying to take up less space.

You wouldn’t know that just by looking.

The Invisible Stories in Our Bodies

Posture is shaped by countless things:

  • Chronic illness
  • Joint pain or injury
  • Neurological or developmental differences
  • Trauma responses
  • Cultural norms
  • Fatigue, comfort, or simple personal habit

For many people, how they sit or stand has nothing to do with attitude or emotion. It’s about managing energy, avoiding pain, or grounding themselves in a world that often feels overwhelming.

And yet, we still fall into the trap of quick interpretation — assuming someone is “closed off” or “uninterested” just because of how they hold their body.

What If They’re Just Comfortable?

Let’s consider something even simpler:

What if that person leaning on the table… is just comfortable that way?

What if their posture isn’t a sign of discomfort, distress, or disconnection — but simply how their body wants to exist in that moment?

Not every posture is a cry for analysis. Not every slouch is a secret signal. Sometimes, a lean is just a lean.

Extending a Little Grace

Next time you feel tempted to decode someone’s body posture, pause. Breathe. Consider the possibility that their stance, slouch, or lean might be carrying a story you don’t know — or no story at all.

Maybe they’re managing pain. Maybe they’re neurodivergent. Maybe they’re tired.
Or maybe — just maybe — they’re fine, and their posture isn’t your business to interpret.

Because at the end of the day:

Body posture isn’t an exact science. It’s just one piece of an endlessly complex human puzzle.

So don’t judge the lean.

Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.