by: Suzie Peterson
May 9, 2025
We’ve all heard it before — from TED Talks, leadership books, or that self-proclaimed body language expert in our circle:
“Body language never lies.”
Supposedly, if someone crosses their arms, avoids eye contact, or slouches, it’s a clear reflection of who they are or what they’re feeling.
But I want to offer a different perspective:
What if that lean, that slouch, that folded arm has nothing to do with personality — and everything to do with pain, comfort, or simply being human?
The Coffee Shop Moment
Not long ago, on a visit to a local cafe, I noticed a man leaning heavily on one elbow, hunched over his phone. His posture screamed “disengaged” by body language standards — collapsed, distant, maybe even rude.
Twenty minutes later, he slowly stood up and adjusted a leg brace.
Just like that, the narrative changed.
He wasn’t “checked out.” He was coping.
That one quiet observation reminded me of something we don’t talk about enough:
Posture doesn’t always tell you what someone’s thinking. Sometimes, it just tells you how someone’s feeling — physically, emotionally, neurologically — in that moment.
More Than Meets the Eye
We live in a world obsessed with decoding people. Articles break down “the confident stance.” Trainers teach the “power pose.” We’re taught to interpret posture as a reflection of character — but that’s not always fair.
Take me, for instance. I will very often stretch my back out and lean forward at my desk — not because I’m intense or engaged — but because my arthritic tailbone hurts horribly if I don’t give it a break.
I have a friend who constantly shifts in her seat and bounces her leg — not due to nerves, but because her ADHD brain finds stillness suffocating.
Another friend slouches habitually — she’s confident, charismatic, and very successful. But she also happens to be very tall and spent most of her self-conscious teenage years trying to take up less space.
You wouldn’t know that just by looking.
The Invisible Stories in Our Bodies
Posture is shaped by countless things:
- Chronic illness
- Joint pain or injury
- Neurological or developmental differences
- Trauma responses
- Cultural norms
- Fatigue, comfort, or simple personal habit
For many people, how they sit or stand has nothing to do with attitude or emotion. It’s about managing energy, avoiding pain, or grounding themselves in a world that often feels overwhelming.
And yet, we still fall into the trap of quick interpretation — assuming someone is “closed off” or “uninterested” just because of how they hold their body.
What If They’re Just Comfortable?
Let’s consider something even simpler:
What if that person leaning on the table… is just comfortable that way?
What if their posture isn’t a sign of discomfort, distress, or disconnection — but simply how their body wants to exist in that moment?
Not every posture is a cry for analysis. Not every slouch is a secret signal. Sometimes, a lean is just a lean.
Extending a Little Grace
Next time you feel tempted to decode someone’s body posture, pause. Breathe. Consider the possibility that their stance, slouch, or lean might be carrying a story you don’t know — or no story at all.
Maybe they’re managing pain. Maybe they’re neurodivergent. Maybe they’re tired.
Or maybe — just maybe — they’re fine, and their posture isn’t your business to interpret.
Because at the end of the day:
Body posture isn’t an exact science. It’s just one piece of an endlessly complex human puzzle.
So don’t judge the lean.
Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.
