“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou
We’ve all heard it. That little phrase tacked onto the end of a sentence that somehow makes everything worse: “just sayin’.” Maybe someone pointed out your messy hair or critiqued your outfit with a smug grin, or made a rude comment about someone not present to hear the remarks, followed by those two words. Somehow, it’s supposed to soften the blow. But instead of easing the tension, “just sayin’” often lands like a backhanded slap — one that’s quickly followed by a shrug and a fake smile. Fake.
So, why is “just sayin’” so irritating?
At its core, it’s a dismissive phrase. People often use it after making a comment that’s critical, sarcastic, or judgmental — then try to avoid responsibility for what they said. It’s like throwing a verbal punch and then stepping back, saying, “Don’t blame me, I’m just saying it.” It’s a way to dodge the emotional consequences of speaking bluntly, often at someone else’s expense. It’s a way to try to not take accountability for a cantankerous comment.
In many cases, “just sayin’” feels demeaning because it tries to wrap meanness in a casual tone. Instead of owning up to the fact that something was rude or inappropriate, it downplays it. And worse, it puts the burden on the listener to “not take it personally.” This kind of passive-aggressive communication can wear down trust in conversations, especially among friends, family, or coworkers.
The phrase is often used by people who see themselves as “straight shooters” — those who pride themselves on telling it like it is, regardless of how their words affect others. They may think they’re being honest or helpful, but in reality, they’re often prioritizing their own sense of superiority over someone else’s feelings. These individuals might struggle with empathy or simply lack awareness about how they come across. Others might use “just sayin’” as a defense mechanism — people who enjoy the feeling of thinking that they are witty or sharp but don’t want to be called out for being rude. They use the phrase like a shield, hoping it will camouflage or excuse what they said.
There are also people who are uncomfortable with confrontation but still want to express frustration or criticism. They’ll sneak in a jab followed by “just sayin’” to test the waters. If the listener gets upset, they can retreat with a casual “I didn’t mean anything by it.” It’s a way to throw stones without starting a full argument.
What can we say instead?
If you are in a position such that you believe it’s right to express your thoughts and opinions, then thankfully, there are better ways to do so without sounding mean. dismissive, or condescending. Here are several alternatives — with examples — that encourage open, respectful dialogue:
1. “I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but…”
This shows self-awareness and respect.
Instead of: “That haircut makes your head look big, just sayin’.”
Try: “I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but I think your last haircut really suited you more.”
2. “I’m offering this as a suggestion…”
This invites feedback rather than shutting someone down.
Instead of: “You should stop talking so much in meetings, just sayin’.”
Try: “I’m offering this as a suggestion — maybe if you give others more space to speak, your points will carry even more weight.”
3. “Can I be honest with you about something?”
This builds trust instead of tearing someone down.
Instead of: “Your cooking’s not great, just sayin’.”
Try: “Can I be honest with you about something? I think the dish might need a little more seasoning, but I really appreciate the effort you put in.”
4. “Have you considered…?”
This encourages curiosity and opens discussion.
Instead of: “That plan doesn’t make sense, just sayin’.”
Try: “Have you considered tweaking the second part of your plan? I think it might flow better that way.”
5. “From my perspective…”
This keeps it about you, not an attack on them.
Instead of: “You sound super defensive, just sayin’.”
Try: “From my perspective, it felt like things got a little tense — are you okay?”
6. “I want to be helpful, not hurtful…”
This signals your intention clearly.
Instead of: “That’s not how a leader should act, just sayin’.”
Try: “I want to be helpful, not hurtful — but I think your tone came across a little harsh in that meeting.”
In the end, “just sayin’” might seem like a harmless phrase — but it usually carries a sharp edge. If we want to build stronger, more respectful conversations, it’s worth dropping the dismissive language and being a little more thoughtful with how we speak. After all, words don’t just reflect what we think and who we are — they shape how others feel.
So maybe next time we feel the urge to say “just sayin’,” we should stop and ask ourselves: what am I really trying to say? And how can I say it in a way that brings people closer, not pushes them away?
“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.” – Carl Sandburg
Copyright ©2025. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.
