Remember to Remind Yourself
Several months ago, a friend sent this text, which I edited to respect her privacy.
“I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I am not in a good place. So many things are upsetting me and I don’t know how to handle it. I feel so angry. Things piss me off easily. I have too much stress right now.”
I knew about the things to which she was referring, as she had shared her thoughts on several topics prior to her text that day. I responded to her with some of what is in this writing. I’ve since added to it, and thought I’d share it in hopes of helping another person – beginning with reminding myself of these things when life gets a bit bumpy.
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I’m so sorry you’re not feeling at the top of your game and feel so much stress. The first thing to check is your blood pressure. If it’s high, it can be a contributing factor to feeling ouchy. After that – I know you are often worried about your parents, concerned for your husband, worried about the kids [grown-ups], and worried about the future as you head toward retirement – all rightfully so. Just those things are enough to overwhelm anyone. You’re not alone. Many who are our age and at our stage in life have similar worries. None of our families or situations are perfect. Some moments are better than others, some days are better than others, some weeks are better than others.
Try not to be too hard on yourself or too hard on the people you’re either worried about or angry and pissed off at. The only shoes we’re in are our own. We often don’t know the stresses others have with which they manage to cover up and smile through, or the stresses they can’t hide which are causing them to be cranky.
And then this – on a personal level, chances are that much of whatever is upsetting you or making you angry, you have every right to be angry about. So give yourself a break about being upset. At the same time, keep in mind that this might be one of those times that it’s healthier for you to deal with this not head on, but rather with an understanding, so that it doesn’t fester within your heart. You can’t change someone else’s behavior, but you can figure out why their behavior is hurting you, and then find your way through it from that perspective. It’s taken years – too long – for me to get to the part where I understand the “why” a situation is causing me turmoil in my heart or mind. I’ve always realized that no one has the right to do so, but it’s that last follow through to the why which can bring peace.
Over time, I’ve learned that whenever I’m faced with an interference of my personal calm or peace, be it a thoughtless statement or action of another person in situations such as a text or email, on the phone, social media, at a store, in traffic, or at a social gathering, to immediately help myself, I try to remember to “give myself a breathing pause.”
This can be done conspicuously if needed, and gives the immediate appearance of being in control of yourself while you go through your thoughts and choose your words. I breathe in through my nose while counting to six, then exhale through my mouth, while counting to six. If needed, I do it a few times. It sets the stage for me to refocus and to keep myself from reacting or overreacting. Then while in a calmer state, I’m able to rationally think through the situation, and attempt to look at it from the other person’s perspective. This is not always easy, but the reward for me is peace, calm, and a settled heart and stomach. In each situation, the sooner I remember that there are more ways to think, act, and react than just my way, the better off I am. It eventually can become second nature to approach tough situations. There will undoubtedly be exceptions, but for the most part, it works.
In the bigger picture, outside of our immediate circle, there is also enough negative news on any given day – enough to stress out the most calm of people. The state of our country, for the most part, is not in a good place. We’re in the midst of one of the most horrific political situations that has been experienced in many decades, regardless of political affiliation. The many politics and policies or lack thereof, are affecting everything we touch financially. The old saying, “Money can’t buy happiness” may be true, but when everything costs so much more than only a few years ago, the increased financial struggles are more than most people have prepared for and it has caused extreme stress for many people.
This situation does not help or make it easy for people our age who are retired or trying to retire. Most people in our country have been feeling the domino effect of high costs financially and ultimately emotionally, for a few years. Beginning at the top of the supply chain, all the way down to the customer, everyone feels the financial squeeze. Businesses worry about their bottom line. Employees worry about their jobs. Customers are cranky about the costs of daily necessities. Many struggle to stay happy while enduring such situations; we all have our own breaking points with finances and emotions. Maybe this is your breaking point.
When you’re at your breaking point, your reality has to know that the only thing we have some form of control over is ourselves, our attitudes, and how we choose to view and respond to our situations. To help myself through times that I know I can’t control or during situations that are tough for me, I trust in my higher power, and pray while saying, “Jesus, please take the wheel.” Maybe this or something similar could help your heart, also.
Given all that is going on within our immediate circles as well as in the outer layers of our lives, try to go easy on yourself and your expectations of others. Go easy on yourself while working through how to best handle each of the things that are bugging you, one thing at a time.
You are a beautiful, wonderful person and friend. Your family adores and counts on your love. You deserve to take any breaks, pauses, and breaths you want or need. Bad days have at least something good in them and most days have more good than bad.
Now I have to remember to give myself the same advice!
Copyright © 2024. Suzann Peterson. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this text or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address the publisher.
